Do not raise your sons to fear, thank you Dad

In light of some of the news in Florida, I thought I would write just a little about my perceptions of “the talk”, and how my parents raised me. This is my personal opinion and perhaps that of my family only.

First, a few facts:

“Africa is the world's second-largest and second-most-populous continent. At about 30.2 million km² including adjacent islands, it covers six percent of the Earth's total surface area and 20.4 percent of the total land area”.

“Population: 1.033 billion (2011)”

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Africa

According to the U.S census data:

“Black or African American. A person having origins in any of the Black racial groups of Africa. It includes people who indicate their race as "Black, African Am., or Negro"; or report entries such as African American, Kenyan, Nigerian, or Haitian”.

The population estimate of the U.S.A in 2012, 313,914,040

Black or African American alone, percent, 2012 (a)	13.1%
http://quickfacts.census.gov/qfd/states/00000.html

 

That is approx 36 million black people in the United States versus one continent’s (Africa) 1 billion plus Black people; and I have not even added in the black populations of the other continents around the world.

My first point is this: do not assume that skin color makes a culture, do not tell me because I look like this, I need to sound, act, and be a certain way! African-American culture has greatly influenced the world in so many ways that we often forget they are a small minority in the world and that all black people are not the same. I am a first generation American born of parents from the continent of Africa. I was  raised in the U.K and Nigeria, so of course my culture, my accent, and perspectives are going to be different.

I was not raised in fear or to fear, I was raised to keep my head up high in all situations (social, work, etc). I was given a strong foundation, so strong that I feel I was imbued with confidence even when I was not sure of something. I was never given “the talk” about how to live my life as a black man because my father taught me how to be a man. Why should I have to learn to be different because some segments of society are not ready for me? Although my parents never said it allowed, I am sure that the thought of raising me to have to act different under certain circumstances was appalling to them. I will make you ready for me! That is what I have always done, and it has worked.

I was of course taught common sense, and was also steered towards learning about my rights as man, and that was ultimately more than enough. Education of course, was heavily emphasized; we joked that a BA degree meant, “Begin again”. The process of educating yourself never ends, it is a constant journey.

I refuse to let my son live in fear! I refuse this system in which young black men are subjected to stress before they are old enough to truly experience the natural stress of life. I refuse to have “the talk” because I did not need it and my son will not need it. Like my father, and his father, and his father’s father, I will raise my son as a man! That is protection enough and to accept anything less is perpetuating a culture of fear.

Thank you Dad!

 

 

Dr Flavius A B Akerele III

The ETeam